I’m rather satisfied that I located this website. Right here is my story….

I’m a 37 year old carpenter, and only parent to a 15 year old son. I began smoking weed sometime in higher school… Aged 14 was my 1st encounter I think, and by 15-16 significantly of my day-to-day activities with close friends evolved about excessive competitive skateboarding, smoking weed, and “hanging out.”

I was pressured into skipping grade eight by my parents simply because I was a straight A student, star young athlete, blah blah blah lol. I was really nervous and intimidated but I had two older brothers at the identical college so figured I’d be fine. I became a tag-along for my two year older brother, who was now only 1 grade ahead. When I caught him and a couple of of our close close friends smoking BTs of hash 1 day, rather than be shocked and appalled, I decided to give it a attempt and jump into their circle. We we hidden in the woods sitting on rocks in a circle… It was currently oddly ritualistic. And then like so numerous bowls smoked due to the fact, all of my dreams, aspirations, ambitions, ambitions, successes, accomplishments, and almost everything else good in my life went up in smoke…. some very promptly, when other folks smoldered, but at some point created me really feel so poorly for myself that I would push them out of my thoughts by smoking extra weed.

Throughout my college years I had a rude awakening. I attended college twice simply because I was so intelligent lol. In reality I was so undecided on what to do with my life and lacked even an ounce of path at that point that I 1st enrolled for print journalism. I figured I loved writing, and hell, if Hunter S Thompson could be a journalist on the cocktail of hallucinogens and drugs he was on then certainly a person as speedy witted, clever and intelligent as me could do it. It nevertheless tends to make me laugh. I was so stupid. I took a student loan for practically ten grand and quite promptly dove appropriate in… into my identical day-to-day routines that is. It wasn’t lengthy prior to I was no longer attend ding that course and blaming on the college for not letting me attempt safer applications two months into the 1st semester. It definitely wouldn’t have mattered which plan I took.

Soon after a year or two of the identical old, I began getting an unsettling difficulty. Each time I smoked weed I would start off getting ridiculous anxiousness attacks. I would start off freaking out pondering I was getting a heart attack. It progressively intensified. I became embarrassed about my close friends. I knew what the concern was. I wasn’t satisfied. I was disappointed in myself for not undertaking extra with my life at that point. But then this became my new nightmare simply because I nevertheless essentially wanted to smoke weed all the time. So I did. How ridiculous I need to have looked to every person. Hanging out with close friends day-to-day and smoking sessions. Then almost everything I would freak out pondering I was seriously dying and have to go dwelling. Or for an exceptionally lengthy stroll. I would invest my complete buzz attempting to reassure myself it was just the weed…like Craig (Ice Cube) in the film Friday lol. I went via this a couple of occasions a day occasionally.

Sooner or later I had quit smoking weed. I had no decision or manage more than the matter. My subconscious thoughts and paralyzing worry did it for me. I had no withdrawals or something. I in no way looked back. I only missed the close friends I spent these years having stoned with. Hell, I consider I’ll normally miss these guys.  I want that was my satisfied ending…but the farce continues.

Shortly right after stopping my life began enhancing. I went back to college for business enterprise sales, on an additional loan, and completed my 1st year. I then met my son’s mother. It was a whirlwind. We had been each nuts. I took a job promoting automobiles for Chrysler at the time. I had no notion why the dealership chose me to employ. I didn’t even have a license lol. I’m a bit of a smooth talker although, which is in all probability what did it.

Speedy forward and the marriage was a grand total of 18 months lengthy, 10 of which I was searching for a divorce order in court and representing myself. Irreconcilable variations lol. Or as I like to say, comprehensive and utter stupidity.
Shortly right after the divorce I left auto sales more than a distinction of opinion with my boss. He was a crook, and I had ethical issues with him. I do not when it occurred but I met an extremely appealing and focused lady who I fell head more than heels for. She smoked bonus in the evenings. I was eager to attempt at that point. She reluctantly shared and quickly right after we started to appreciate evenings collectively right after operate with a couple of puffs and remarkable sex. She was ridiculously beautiful. She started to get concerned about how significantly I was smoking. I had jumped appropriate back into my old day-to-day habit. But I had just invest five years abstaining. I didn’t care.

This could go on forever it appears. I will sum up the rest….

I’m now 37, 11 days from my 38th birthday. I’m smoking a gram a day minimum, as properly as cigarettes and drinking coffee like I need it to reside. I’m normally tired, I have no drive or motivation 90% of the time. I am fortunate to have a boss as understanding, or possibly patient a couple of forgiving as mine is. I have been functioning with him for practically 7 years now and have missed extra than my share of operate. He has joked with me prior to about getting extra excuses to miss operate than he’s ever even heard of a person making use of. In reality I’m writing this when I really should be at operate this morning.

I reside with my gf who does not smoke something and our combined four children. I hide my use quite properly. My son is conscious as I had to have a speak with him when we moved into an apartment our personal a couple of years ago. My gf hates it. She enjoys a glass of wine right here and there so I have compared weed smoking to that which can be logical, lol, but she argues that she does not have to have to drink wine a couple of occasions a day and prior to and right after any social event…not to mention sneaking about in the course of such events. And of course she is appropriate. But I continue to smoke… Continuously telling myself it is the final negative like the guy who also commented right here but generating no additional efforts to curb my usage.

I want I could start off getting anxiousness attacks like 15 years ago.

Weed has unquestionably and devoid of a doubt shaped me into the man I am currently. The difficulty is that I’m not satisfied with the man I am currently.